Due to some health reasons, I have been forced to stay in bed more then usual. I probably haven’t laid in bed this much since I was….well it’s been a long time. After surgery on my heart last year I only stayed in bed one day before I was up and going again. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s nice to be able to escape and lay all warm and comfy in this amazing king sized bed we just bought. I’ve found if I place the pillow over the top part of my head just right, it shuts out the noise and light perfectly while I can still lay comfortably and breath. And I have to say, my husband has been doing a very good job with letting me crawl away to my dark, soft retreat when he comes home from work. And I appreciate this, because I know that he has just worked very hard all day long. But I think he knows that if he doesn’t let me do this, I might just shrivel up and fall on the floor, and then he’d have a lot more problems since we can’t get life insurance on me (thanks to this great heart of mine).
Actually, the kids have been enjoying when I run away, because within minutes they follow. They really are never far from me, they find me no matter where I go. Sometimes I hide myself in my closet when I’m talking on the phone so that I don’t sound like a crazy mom shouting at the children to be quiet or I will tape their mouths shut. Ok, I’ve never actually said this, maybe thought it but never done it. So when they follow me up and turn my bed into a trampoline, I’ve found if I lay pretty still with the covers pulled up, it gives me a few minutes to myself, before they start digging under the covers to find mind. Tonight when this happened, I was suprised when they dug me out, to find out I had four naked bodies in the bed with me.
I just got myself side tracked there…so anyway….with this time I’ve had to lay in bed, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Actually, I’ve been doing some serious thinking for the past few months. Sometimes I have so much going on in my head, I actually can’t fall asleep. So I’ve been thinking a lot about life and what role I want in it, for myself, as a mother, as a wife. And I realized I want the direction of my blog to change a bit. I’m still going to include stories of what the kids did and our crazy household, but I want it to have a bit more depth to it. There is something else I’m putting together that I am very excited about too, but it’s not quite ready, so I’m not telling yet. But it has to do with raising spirits, giving hope, and feeling good about differences you can have in other people’s lives. So hopefully when I get it all put together and figured out, I can get some readers, so that we can affect and make a difference to more people. Because there is so much that we can do globally but also locally….in so many different ways.
You’re going to think I’m crazy after I write this, and maybe I am. But one of the things I’ve decided is, I want to be more open, honest, and loving. I’m not the person I hope to be yet, and I’ve got a lot of soul searching still to do. But sometimes I sit and think what I would hope people would feel at my funeral. I warned you, you would think I was crazy. The characteristics I would want people to feel I was, I’m not all there yet. And I know some of them will be a big struggle, and each day I will have to remind myself and start over and work harder to get there. But as we’ve all heard so many times before that it sounds cheesy now saying it: We only have one life to live. And as Mother Theresa said: (I just might quote her often, I love her wisdom) ”Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin”
So here I begin this new journey, with lots of things to come…..
Love this post. I understand where you’re coming from.